chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize