I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
