she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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