well you can't waste a boner
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
