hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
