I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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