i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
