The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
