everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I enjoy the company of your penis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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