bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
