I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
