So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
