he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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