just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
