I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
