After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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