I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
