so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
