I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
