I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
