when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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