Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
