Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
