Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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