I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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