Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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