I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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