i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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