can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
