Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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