I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
