sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
