I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
