I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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