I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
