I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
