So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
