lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
