Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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