so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
