Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
