I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
