Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
