like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
wow bdsm is so cute
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