Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
