my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
