his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
