also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
