and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
