Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
