She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
