dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
