Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
