I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
