Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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