Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
