I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
