sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
