someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
